09/26/10 - Are We There Yet PT3 - Pastor Tony Ashmore

Pastor Tony Ashmore continues the series "Are We There Yet?" with part 3 in this Sunday service.

Are We There Yet? Part 3
Pastor Tony Ashmore
Sunday, September 26, 2010

www.mylifegatechurch.com


Sermon Notes:

Are We There Yet?
Navigating the Parenting Journey

Proverbs 22:6 (AMP) Train up a child in the way he should go [and in keeping with his individual gift or bent], and when he is old he will not depart from it.

(Message) Point your kids in the right direction—when they're old they won't be lost.

How to Mess Up Your Kid (Location 645 from Young)
Don’t do any of the following and your children will face more struggles than needed.  Don’t let “I don’t want to” stop you from being a parent.

-   Psalm 55:10--“the enemy ‘in-a-me’

-   Galatians 5:19-22 “When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, 21 envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.”

-   Default condition of humanity is hell.  (What about babies, small children who die?  Romans 7:9 “At one time I lived without understanding the law. But when I learned the command not to covet, for instance, the power of sin came to life, and I died.”)

John 14:6 “Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.”

There is 1 way to parent-God’s way.  Jesus is not only the way to Heaven—He is The Way for great life, great marriage, great kids.  Real life is found when we find the Father of Life and we will not find Him except through Jesus.  The biggest key to having rich and satisfying life is understanding you will only have it in Jesus.

Model Godliness and Faith:  Genesis 12:8  Abraham pitched his tent and built his altar. Model trust in God rather than trust in our culture.

1.    Attitude—Yours, not the kids’. 
    a.    Be purposeful and passionate about being a parent.  Embrace it.  Honor it. 
    b.    A good teacher is a good learner.  (2Timothy 3:14-15)
    c.    Recognize the seasons and receive the grace for that season.
    d.    Consistent

2.    Good Times:
    a.    Create memories
    b.    Catch them doing it right
    c.    Laugh a lot together

3.    Reverence, Respect and Obedience.  The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Psalm 111:10, Proverbs 1:7, Proverbs 9:10
    a.    Control the tongue
    b.    Priorities
    c.    Respect is a gift—give it away

4.    Effective Boundaries—Define the playing field clearly and you get to spend more time being a cheerleader and less being a referee.

5.    Adolescence—Don’t just endure it, understand it.
    a.    Half Child, Half Adult: the parent is identified with the “child” part they are trying to separate themselves from.
    b.    When you try to be like them (talking, dressing, habits) you defeat what they are trying to do—find their identity as an adult.  Help them grow up with healthy boundaries and Godly wisdom.
    c.    Listen (example: Jose and Earnesto from Houston—gangs and guns)

6.    Time:  Kids need PALs not peers
    a.    Present: Scheduled, Spontaneous, Spectator and Special
    b.    Available: Be interruptible
    c.    Listen beyond the words

7.    Kiss and Tell (1 Corinthian 13)
    a.    Love is an action not just words
    b.    Love and Acceptance, Repentance and Forgiveness

8.    Intentional—not casual, not passive, not ‘whatever’
    a.    3 things you should model:
        i.    Lifetime love affair with Jesus
        ii.    Lifetime love affair with spouse
        iii.    Lifetime love affair with kids
    b.    Practice the Jesus method of Training (Proverbs 22:6): Watch me do it; Do it with me; I watch you do it; You do it alone.

9.    Discipline Proverbs 10:17 “People who accept discipline are on the pathway to life, but those who ignore correction will go astray.”
    a.    Discipline is the “essential positive plus the necessary negative”.  
    b.    Ladder Method: (conversation linking all 3)
        i.    Boundaries
        ii.    Consequences
        iii.    Principles
    c.    Relationship is key: Rules without Relationship = Rebellion
        i.    Authoritarian: Discipline with no relationship results in angry, frustrated, confused, silent
        ii.    Permissive: Relationship with no discipline results in self-centered, irresponsible, manipulative
        iii.    Indifferent: no relationship or discipline results in demanding, aggressive and no self-control
    d.    Ways to Discipline:
        i.    Verbal: Attack the behavior, never the child.  “Good choice instead of Good boy”.  Reinforce what you want instead of what you don’t want.
        ii.    Restrictions/Grounding: Be seen as the “Giver back” instead of the “Taker away”
        iii.    Hands-off: Keep them safe but allow them to reap what they sow
        iv.    Hands-on: The “Rod Principle”—used by a shepherd to redirect sheep onto the narrow path leading to life and safety
            1.    Using the Rod scripturally:
                a.    Last resort not a quick fix
                b.    Controls in place (# of licks defined; defined equipment)
                c.    Private not public
                d.    Age limits: 18 mos to puberty
                e.    Explained before and after
                f.    Only for willful rebellious violation of a clearly understood rule