11/28/10 - The Pain of Loss - Everett Spencer

Everett Spencer continues the series "Pain Killer" with part 3, "The Pain of Loss" in this Sunday service.

Pain Killer: The Pain of Loss

Everett Spencer
Sunday, November 28, 2010

www.mylifegatechurch.com


Sermon Notes:

The Pain of Loss

This is the third installment in the series “Pain Killers”, lessons one and two were taught by Pastor Tony “The Pain of Suffering” & “The Pain of Rejection”.

Loss is something everyone will experience at some point in their lives whether it’s the loss of a job or business, a friendship, a marriage through divorce or the most devastating the loss of a life to death. There are 2 spirits associated with loss: death and grief.  They travel together and seek to circumvent the natural process of grieving and trap a person in one of the stages of grief.  We all know someone who has not been able to recover from the pain of loss and that pain now defines his/her life.  Anytime our life becomes defined by anything other than the Word of God, we have fallen prey to a “stronghold”.  Strongholds are spiritual oppression designed to stop us from having the rich and satisfying life promised by Jesus and from fulfilling our God-given destiny.  The spirit of grief has sidelined many believers, trapping them in a downward spiral of depression, despair and darkness. 

There are 5 stages of grief:

Denial, bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance everyone experiencing loss will go through some or all of the stages.

Grief was dealt with at the Cross

…A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief…4 Surely He has borne our griefs And carried our sorrows; Yet we esteemed Him stricken, Smitten by God, and afflicted. 5 But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed…6And the LORD has laid on Him the iniquity of us all. 7 He was oppressed and He was afflicted…

Isaiah 53:3-7
37 He took Peter and Zebedee’s two sons, James and John, and he became anguished and distressed. 38 He told them, “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”

Matt. 26:37-38
Jesus Grieved
At the death of His friend Lazarus

Jn. 11:30-35

The tale of two father’s grief

33 Their father recognized it immediately. “Yes,” he said, “it is my son’s robe. A wild animal must have eaten him. Joseph has clearly been torn to pieces!” 34 Then Jacob tore his clothes and dressed himself in burlap. He mourned deeply for his son for a long time. 35 His family all tried to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted. “I will go to my grave mourning for my son,” he would say, and then he would weep.

Gen. 37:33-35, Rev. 2:4
…He went without food and lay all night on the bare ground. 17 The elders of his household pleaded with him to get up and eat with them, but he refused. 18 Then on the seventh day the child died. David’s advisers were afraid to tell him. “He wouldn’t listen to reason while the child was ill,” they said. “What drastic thing will he do when we tell him the child is dead?” 19 When David saw them whispering, he realized what had happened. “Is the child dead?” he asked. “Yes,” they replied, “he is dead.” 20 Then David got up from the ground, washed himself, put on lotions, and changed his clothes. He went to the Tabernacle and worshiped the LORD. After that, he returned to the palace and was served food and ate. 21 His advisers were amazed. “We don’t understand you,” they told him. “While the child was still living, you wept and refused to eat. But now that the child is dead, you have stopped your mourning and are eating again.” 22 David replied, “I fasted and wept while the child was alive, for I said, ‘Perhaps the LORD will be gracious to me and let the child live.’ 23 But why should I fast when he is dead? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him one day, but he cannot return to me.” 24 Then David comforted Bathsheba, his wife, and slept with her…

2 Sam. 12:16-24


Steps to Healing from a Spirit of Grief

1) INSTEAD OF IGNORING, I WILL FACE IT HONESTLY.

David noticed that his servants were whispering among themselves and he realized the child was dead. ‘Is the child dead?’ he asked. ‘Yes,’ they replied, ‘he is dead.’  2 Samuel 12:19

2) INSTEAD OF BLAMING, I WILL TRUST GOD, UNDERSTANDING HE IS THE GIVER OF LIFE, NOT THE AUTHOR OF DEATH.  GOD CAN HANDLE MY QUESTIONS AND MY ANGER.  HE WILL NOT LEAVE ME OR FORSAKE ME.

Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the LORD and worshiped. 2 Samuel 12:20
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.  Proverbs 3:5-6

3) INSTEAD OF WITHDRAWING, I WILL SHARE MY PAIN.  I WILL SHARE IT WITH GOD, RELYING ON THE COMFORTER MINISTRY OF THE HOLY SPIRIT.  I WILL SHARE IT WITH FRIENDS WHO ENCOURAGE ME WITH HIS WORD.

Then David comforted his wife Bathsheba… 2 Samuel 12:24
Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2


Scriptures that comfort

He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.” Revelation 21:4

Those who have been ransomed by the LORD will return. They will enter Jerusalem singing, crowned with everlasting joy. Sorrow and mourning will disappear, and they will be filled with joy and gladness Isaiah 35:10

 13-14And regarding the question, friends, that has come up about what happens to those already dead and buried, we don't want you in the dark any longer. First off, you must not carry on over them like people who have nothing to look forward to, as if the grave were the last word. Since Jesus died and broke loose from the grave, God will most certainly bring back to life those who died in Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 4:13


Here are four keys from the Bible and Christian psychology that provide help in dealing with ambiguous loss:

1. Be Resilient

Losses happen in this life—we have to accept that. And when bad things happen we can’t always answer the question “Why?” So to some extent we have to develop a level of comfort with the questions of life. Don’t try to explain everything. Don’t attempt to make everything fit neatly. Resilience enables us to experience loss and be able to bounce back. That’s the key—being resilient enough to bounce back. Being resilient is a gritty determination to survive. We may be knocked down, but a resilient attitude says that God is in charge, He controls what happens to us, and He will supply the grace we need to handle our challenges.

2. Be Engaged

To get through a loss you have to acknowledge that you have had a loss. Counselors suggest writing down your losses so you can come to grips with them. You may need the help of a professional therapist. If so, get help. Then devise a way to appropriately grieve the loss—whether the loss is a person, a relationship, an expectation—whatever. The important thing is that you determine not to stay in the grief; you have to move on. Reengage with life and people. Moving on may mean that you have to forgive and refuse to live with bitterness and resentment. The key is being engaged rather than isolated and withdrawn.

3. Be Disciplined

Ambiguous loss opens the door for fearfulness, loss of control, and pain to invade the thoughts and emotions. It takes discipline to resist being afraid, angry, and feeling helpless. Here is where the spiritual disciplines of consistent prayer, Bible study, devotion, and worship are so therapeutic. These disciplines are basic but necessary for spiritual life and recovery after loss. The writer of Hebrews (12:15) says that as believers we have a responsibility to act as a bishop over our heart. In other words, we have a positive duty to exercise control over our attitudes and actions so that evil will not spring up.

4. Be Expectant

The last strategy is perhaps the most potent: being expectant for the glory to come. Doggedly hold on to your faith in God. We can deal with the pain if we expect that Jesus will keep His promises to us. After all, He said: “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Heb. 13:5, NKJV).† He spoke through Jeremiah to encourage us: “Trust me,” He says, “I have a plan for you.” “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, . . . thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope” (Jer. 29:11). His promise is that one day He will make all things new, remove all pain, wipe away every tear. We know that God is using the events of life—even the pain—to move us from loss to gain. So we are expectant; we look for God.