11/28/10 - The Pain of Loss - Everett Spencer

Everett Spencer continues the series "Pain Killer" with part 3, "The Pain of Loss" in this Sunday service.

Pain Killer: The Pain of Loss

Everett Spencer
Sunday, November 28, 2010

www.mylifegatechurch.com


Sermon Notes:

The Pain of Loss

This is the third installment in the series “Pain Killers”, lessons one and two were taught by Pastor Tony “The Pain of Suffering” & “The Pain of Rejection”.

Loss is something everyone will experience at some point in their lives whether it’s the loss of a job or business, a friendship, a marriage through divorce or the most devastating the loss of a life to death. There are 2 spirits associated with loss: death and grief.  They travel together and seek to circumvent the natural process of grieving and trap a person in one of the stages of grief.  We all know someone who has not been able to recover from the pain of loss and that pain now defines his/her life.  Anytime our life becomes defined by anything other than the Word of God, we have fallen prey to a “stronghold”.  Strongholds are spiritual oppression designed to stop us from having the rich and satisfying life promised by Jesus and from fulfilling our God-given destiny.  The spirit of grief has sidelined many believers, trapping them in a downward spiral of depression, despair and darkness. 

There are 5 stages of grief:

Denial, bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance everyone experiencing loss will go through some or all of the stages.

Grief was dealt with at the Cross

…A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief…4 Surely He has borne our griefs And carried our sorrows; Yet we esteemed Him stricken, Smitten by God, and afflicted. 5 But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed…6And the LORD has laid on Him the iniquity of us all. 7 He was oppressed and He was afflicted…

Isaiah 53:3-7
37 He took Peter and Zebedee’s two sons, James and John, and he became anguished and distressed. 38 He told them, “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”

Matt. 26:37-38
Jesus Grieved
At the death of His friend Lazarus

Jn. 11:30-35

The tale of two father’s grief

33 Their father recognized it immediately. “Yes,” he said, “it is my son’s robe. A wild animal must have eaten him. Joseph has clearly been torn to pieces!” 34 Then Jacob tore his clothes and dressed himself in burlap. He mourned deeply for his son for a long time. 35 His family all tried to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted. “I will go to my grave mourning for my son,” he would say, and then he would weep.

Gen. 37:33-35, Rev. 2:4
…He went without food and lay all night on the bare ground. 17 The elders of his household pleaded with him to get up and eat with them, but he refused. 18 Then on the seventh day the child died. David’s advisers were afraid to tell him. “He wouldn’t listen to reason while the child was ill,” they said. “What drastic thing will he do when we tell him the child is dead?” 19 When David saw them whispering, he realized what had happened. “Is the child dead?” he asked. “Yes,” they replied, “he is dead.” 20 Then David got up from the ground, washed himself, put on lotions, and changed his clothes. He went to the Tabernacle and worshiped the LORD. After that, he returned to the palace and was served food and ate. 21 His advisers were amazed. “We don’t understand you,” they told him. “While the child was still living, you wept and refused to eat. But now that the child is dead, you have stopped your mourning and are eating again.” 22 David replied, “I fasted and wept while the child was alive, for I said, ‘Perhaps the LORD will be gracious to me and let the child live.’ 23 But why should I fast when he is dead? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him one day, but he cannot return to me.” 24 Then David comforted Bathsheba, his wife, and slept with her…

2 Sam. 12:16-24


Steps to Healing from a Spirit of Grief

1) INSTEAD OF IGNORING, I WILL FACE IT HONESTLY.

David noticed that his servants were whispering among themselves and he realized the child was dead. ‘Is the child dead?’ he asked. ‘Yes,’ they replied, ‘he is dead.’  2 Samuel 12:19

2) INSTEAD OF BLAMING, I WILL TRUST GOD, UNDERSTANDING HE IS THE GIVER OF LIFE, NOT THE AUTHOR OF DEATH.  GOD CAN HANDLE MY QUESTIONS AND MY ANGER.  HE WILL NOT LEAVE ME OR FORSAKE ME.

Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the LORD and worshiped. 2 Samuel 12:20
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.  Proverbs 3:5-6

3) INSTEAD OF WITHDRAWING, I WILL SHARE MY PAIN.  I WILL SHARE IT WITH GOD, RELYING ON THE COMFORTER MINISTRY OF THE HOLY SPIRIT.  I WILL SHARE IT WITH FRIENDS WHO ENCOURAGE ME WITH HIS WORD.

Then David comforted his wife Bathsheba… 2 Samuel 12:24
Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2


Scriptures that comfort

He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.” Revelation 21:4

Those who have been ransomed by the LORD will return. They will enter Jerusalem singing, crowned with everlasting joy. Sorrow and mourning will disappear, and they will be filled with joy and gladness Isaiah 35:10

 13-14And regarding the question, friends, that has come up about what happens to those already dead and buried, we don't want you in the dark any longer. First off, you must not carry on over them like people who have nothing to look forward to, as if the grave were the last word. Since Jesus died and broke loose from the grave, God will most certainly bring back to life those who died in Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 4:13


Here are four keys from the Bible and Christian psychology that provide help in dealing with ambiguous loss:

1. Be Resilient

Losses happen in this life—we have to accept that. And when bad things happen we can’t always answer the question “Why?” So to some extent we have to develop a level of comfort with the questions of life. Don’t try to explain everything. Don’t attempt to make everything fit neatly. Resilience enables us to experience loss and be able to bounce back. That’s the key—being resilient enough to bounce back. Being resilient is a gritty determination to survive. We may be knocked down, but a resilient attitude says that God is in charge, He controls what happens to us, and He will supply the grace we need to handle our challenges.

2. Be Engaged

To get through a loss you have to acknowledge that you have had a loss. Counselors suggest writing down your losses so you can come to grips with them. You may need the help of a professional therapist. If so, get help. Then devise a way to appropriately grieve the loss—whether the loss is a person, a relationship, an expectation—whatever. The important thing is that you determine not to stay in the grief; you have to move on. Reengage with life and people. Moving on may mean that you have to forgive and refuse to live with bitterness and resentment. The key is being engaged rather than isolated and withdrawn.

3. Be Disciplined

Ambiguous loss opens the door for fearfulness, loss of control, and pain to invade the thoughts and emotions. It takes discipline to resist being afraid, angry, and feeling helpless. Here is where the spiritual disciplines of consistent prayer, Bible study, devotion, and worship are so therapeutic. These disciplines are basic but necessary for spiritual life and recovery after loss. The writer of Hebrews (12:15) says that as believers we have a responsibility to act as a bishop over our heart. In other words, we have a positive duty to exercise control over our attitudes and actions so that evil will not spring up.

4. Be Expectant

The last strategy is perhaps the most potent: being expectant for the glory to come. Doggedly hold on to your faith in God. We can deal with the pain if we expect that Jesus will keep His promises to us. After all, He said: “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Heb. 13:5, NKJV).† He spoke through Jeremiah to encourage us: “Trust me,” He says, “I have a plan for you.” “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, . . . thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope” (Jer. 29:11). His promise is that one day He will make all things new, remove all pain, wipe away every tear. We know that God is using the events of life—even the pain—to move us from loss to gain. So we are expectant; we look for God.

11/21/10 - The Pain of Rejection - Pastor Tony Ashmore

Pastor Tony Ashmore continues the series "Pain Killer" with part 2, "The Pain of Rejection" in this Sunday service.

Pain Killer: The Pain of Rejection

Pastor Tony Ashmore
Sunday, November 21, 2010

www.mylifegatechurch.com


Sermon Notes:

Pain Killer: The Pain of Rejection


THE NATURE OF REJECTION:

*   A sense of being unwanted, unacceptable, less than enough, not measuring up.  Results in frustration leading to dysfunction.
*   Sense of betrayal, shame, humiliation 
*   A hurt our brain sometimes wants to block, forget or deny due to the pain:

Proverbs 15:13 A glad heart makes a happy face; a broken heart crushes the spirit.
Proverbs 18:14 The human spirit can endure a sick body, but who can bear a crushed spirit?

Dysfunction is produced by frustration which is produced by bitterness.
The symptoms of dysfunction are twigs on the branch of frustration which is sustained by the roots of rejections and bitterness.  Hebrews 12:14-16

Deal with the root and the symptoms are easy:  God’s work is with the root:  Matthew 3:10


THE EFFECTS OF REJECTION:

3 Responses: All produce the same result in different ways: Insecurity-Insulation-Isolation

-   Passive: Give in and give up.  Defines who you are—you are unwanted. Downward spiral of loneliness, self-pity, misery, depression, hopelessness, suicide or a longing for death
-   Passive-Aggressive: Fights back through denial and overcompensation.  Build up walls of defense.  A façade of happiness—seeks to dull pain through superficial interaction.  Prone to sudden mood swings and seems to be 2 different people at times. Overcompensation = Exaggerated Response = Trying to hide something (not from others but from their own recognition)
-   Aggressive: Fights back through increasing dysfunction.  Resentment becomes hatred, hatred becomes rebellion, rebellion = witchcraft: seeking false spiritual experiences

*   A cursed lifestyle—Malachi 4:5-6
*   A victim mindset
*   Blind spots in relationships due to a failure to take responsibility


THE REMEDY FOR REJECTION:

Matthew 9:36 – compassion: a reaction so strong it demands a response
Isaiah 54:4-6 – rejection, shame, betrayal, humiliation
Isaiah 50:6; Isaiah 53:3; Isaiah 61:7; Hebrews 2:9-10


THE GREAT EXCHANGE: THE CROSS - THE ULTIMATE REJECTION

Matthew 27:45-51

*   Abandoned by man
*   Rejected by God
*   Jesus cries out in Aramaic—the language he spoke as a child—indicating the severity of the pain
*   Result: Ephesians 1:3-6 All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. 4 Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. 5 God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. 6 So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son.  (NKJV: to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved.)


APPLYING THE REMEDY:

1.   Recognize rejection.
2.   Follow the pattern of Jesus:  Forgive  (Luke 23:34)
3.   Nurture good fruit, not bad.  Perscripture is the Prescription.  Don’t make a place for resentment, bitterness.  (Philippians 4:8-think on these things)
4.   Receive and believe what God has done. (1 John 4:19—I can love because He 1st loved me)
5.   Accept yourself.  (Ephesians 2:10—God’s masterpiece)

11/14/10 - The Pain of Suffering - Pastor Tony Ashmore

Pastor Tony Ashmore begins a new series entitled "Pain Killer" with part 1, "The Pain of Suffering" in this Sunday service.

Pain Killer: The Pain of Suffering

Pastor Tony Ashmore
Sunday, November 14, 2010

www.mylifegatechurch.com


Sermon Notes:


Hebrews 2:18 (NLT) “Since Jesus himself has gone through suffering and testing, he is able to help us when we are being tested.”

1 Peter 4:19 (MESSAGE) “So if you find life difficult because you're doing what God said, take it in stride. Trust him. He knows what he's doing, and he'll keep on doing it.”

Isaiah 54:17 (CEV) “Weapons made to attack you won't be successful; words spoken against you won't hurt at all…I, the LORD, promise to bless you with victory.”

1 John 4:4 (NIV) “You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.”

Proverbs 4:20-22 “My child, 1pay attention to what I say. 2Listen carefully to my words. 3Don’t lose sight of them. 4Let them penetrate deep into your heart, for they bring life to those who find them, and healing to their whole body.”

3 John 1:2 (HCSB) “Dear friend, I pray that you may prosper in every way and be in good health, just as your soul prospers.”

Pain Killer: Stop It From Hurting!
The Pain of Suffering

John 16:33 “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”
Suffering is common to the human experience. 
3 types of suffering:
1 Thessalonians 5:23 “Now may the God of peace make you holy in every way, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless until our Lord Jesus Christ comes again.”

-   Spirit suffering—pain of being lost with an unsure eternity
-   Soul suffering—pain of mental and emotional distress, no peace, broken heart
-   Body suffering—pain of physical suffering from sickness, disease, injuries, torture

The pain of suffering is described throughout the Bible in 3 arenas: suffering resulting from physical or mental problems (Matthew 17:15); suffering resulting from persecution (Romans 8:18); suffering needlessly from a lack of knowledge (Hosea 4:6). 
“Suffering for Christ, or with Christ” is suffering from persecution for your faith.  There is no passage which describes suffering for or with Christ as suffering resulting from sickness or disease.  When the Bible, especially the New Testament, encourages us to “embrace, even rejoice, in suffering” it is talking only about being persecuted for our faith in Christ.  The Bible never teaches us to embrace the suffering caused by sickness, disease, or mental distress.  We should fight those like we would fight someone trying to rob our house because they have come to steal our “righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit” (Romans 14:17).

2 examples of handling the pain of suffering:
Joyce and Barbara:
Joyce had rheumatoid arthritis.  Barbara did too, along with lupus.  Joyce began to allow her pain to dictate her lifestyle as soon as it appeared and spent the majority of the last 20 years of her life sitting in a lift chair.  When she encountered any new health challenges, she quickly succumbed to the worst possible results, adding those to the list of pains and reasons for not living life.

Barbara refused to allow the pain to dictate her lifestyle and continued living as normally as possible.  She traveled, enjoyed her kids and grandkids, was active in her church and enjoyed being around her friends.  She had the times when she would be hurting so bad she stayed home, but those stays were usually short-lived.  When she recently encountered devastating brain surgery and extreme pain that would have killed most people, she kept on fighting and when you visit her, she is never focused on what is wrong with her.  Her faith in God has grown throughout the years of horrible pain and suffering. 

2 Corinthians 12:7-10 “My grace is sufficient”
Paul obviously had some type of physical ailments.  We are given clues a few times in his writings.  But it never becomes the defining thing of his life.  He will not give it that place. 

Keys to Handling the Pain of Suffering:
-   Prayer  (James 5:13)
-   Connections (1 Corinthians 12:26)  Don’t suffer alone and don’t withdraw.
-   Don’t quit.  (Matthew 24:13)  Biblical definition of “endure” is an active fight, not just “hanging in there”  Romans 8:18—there is glory to be revealed!  Don’t be denied.
-   Respond with the Word (Job 6:10)
-   Don’t let it affect your love life.  Revelation 2:3-4 “You have patiently suffered for me without quitting. “But I have this complaint against you. You don’t love me or each other as you did at first!”

11/07/10 - Vision Sunday - The Table - Pastor Tony Ashmore

Pastor Tony Ashmore teaches on "The Table" in this Vision Sunday service.

The Table

Pastor Tony Ashmore
Sunday, November 7, 2010

www.mylifegatechurch.com


Sermon Notes:


Come to the Table

Proverbs 9:1-6 “Wisdom has built her house; she has carved its seven columns. She has prepared a great banquet, mixed the wines, and set the table. She has sent her servants to invite everyone to come. She calls out from the heights overlooking the city. “Come in with me,” she urges the simple. To those who lack good judgment, she says, “Come, eat my food, and drink the wine I have mixed. Leave your simple ways behind, and begin to live; learn to use good judgment.”

(MESSAGE) "Are you confused about life, don't know what's going on? Come with me, oh come, have dinner with me!...Leave your impoverished confusion and live! Walk up the street to a life with meaning."


The Table is Set

Exodus 25:29-30 “Make special containers of pure gold for the table—bowls, pans, pitchers, and jars—to be used in pouring out liquid offerings. Place the Bread of the Presence on the table to remain before me at all times.”


The Chairs at the Table:

1.   The seeker: the “pre-believer”—Healthy church should always be welcoming to those “not there yet”.  A safe place to ask the questions, try out the water, taste and see.  A safe place to “emerge”.  Romans 2:4 “Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?”

2.   The new Christian: Healthy church should be the place not only to learn, but to fail.  To reach out for the impossible, sometimes grabbing it, but landing safely when you don’t.  A safe place to find out who you are in Christ.  A safe place to “form”.  Hebrews 5:14 “Solid food is for those who are mature, who through training have the skill to recognize the difference between right and wrong.”  (Healthy churches are safe places for people who blow it—it is part of the training process.)

3.   The mature Christian:  Healthy church is filled with Christians who have discovered who they are in Christ and have found, or are finding, the place to use those Gifts, Abilities, Talents and Experiences to serve others.  A safe place to step out on the water and connect with others to accomplish something amazing.  Mature Christians are asking “to be fed”—they are serving at the Table.  They know how to feed themselves.  Their fulfillment comes in following Christ as a “servant leader”.  Matthew 20:26-27 (MESSAGE) It's not going to be that way with you. Whoever wants to be great must become a servant. Whoever wants to be first among you must be your slave. That is what the Son of Man has done: He came to serve, not be served—and then to give away his life in exchange for the many who are held hostage."

4.   The ministry leaders: The called leaders who cast vision, give direction, arrange the members for ministry. Ephesians 4:11-12 “Now these are the gifts Christ gave to the church: the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, and the pastors and teachers. Their responsibility is to equip God’s people to do his work and build up the church, the body of Christ.”

There is another chair, not at the Table, but one that wants the attention of all those at The Table:  The WHY CHAIR. 2 Corinthians 12:20 “I am afraid that when I come I won’t like what I find, and you won’t like my response. I am afraid that I will find quarreling, jealousy, anger, selfishness, slander, gossip, arrogance, and disorderly behavior.”   All their questions are not questions, they are complaints disguised as a question.  Instead of finding life as we do life together, they are able to find more excuses for not participating in life.  They are fault-finders, blame-placers, cry-babies and “WHY-NERS”, who do not accept responsibility.  They keep others from coming to the table (literally-as in the case of those who stand outside during our celebrations focusing on their problems or their ‘counsel’ instead of coming into the Table and doing life together with the Body.  They draw others away from the table through attention seeking and gossip.) 

If those sitting in the Leader chair turn to give attention to those in the WHY-Chair, they turn their back on the other 3 chairs and the church begins the slide into insignificance and unhealthiness.  1 Peter 5:2 Care for the flock that God has entrusted to you.  (NKJV) Shepherd the flock of God which is among you

The Church, the Table, must be a safe place where seekers can emerge, new believers can form, saints can mature, and the harvest of souls be won.  The 4th law of the Harvest is you must have a safe place to store it.  That is the Church.  
We are the table in the wilderness.

Psalm 78:19 “They said, “Can God prepare a table in the wilderness?”